dan

even in the hours after dan's passing, in the deepest states of shock and sadness, i couldn't help but to think of him and smile. i sat in a mexican restaurant with my friend, catatonic, with the buzz of mexican music and salsa around me, and stared at an empty table. you know, when you stare at something and focus not on it, but on the whirlwind of thoughts inside your head? this is what i experienced. but in that horrible, dark flood of memories and snapshots, i kept seeing dan, "little spoon," in front of me, breaking his tough-guy facial expression for a little giggle, kind of high-pitched, the way he laughed when something amused him. to me, memories like this are the only memories of dan, because i can say we only had warmth between us. and now that he's gone, a fact i still can't completely grasp, i know i've lost one of the few guys in my life who will just walk up to me and hug me, no matter how long it has been since i've seen him. people like this come few and far between.